urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azurespiral azurespiral azurespiral 2006-10-07T05:33:22Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:azurespiral:505 2006-10-07T05:33:22Z 2006-10-07T05:33:22Z Today has been quite frustrating. I'm not sure if I want to keep working where I do. I'm friends with a good amount of people there and I know everone, but something inside me wants more, like I feel this isn't what I want for my life. But what what do I want, hell that I know. <br /><br />I keep feeling there needs to be a book or something that tells me ok this is what you should do and then this and this and that oh and don't forget this too, very important. But yea I know that internal book should come from the inside but I'm just not feeling it inside me. I think when I was christian, I had a lot of things planned out even though I was gay, but when I accepted I wasn't christian anymore. The plan just unraveled (*sp) and it's like I have to start from scratch, trying to define myself not for others really but more for myself enough to get by with the sense I know what I believe. I still believe in a god but just not the way I used to anymore, especially the whole fear aspect of it all, that's no way to live life.<br /><br />Anyway it's just been a cosmopolitan of thoughts lately. I turned 24 and I feel I need to start making some drastic changes or I could get stuck as I see a lot of other people who are my age and I just don't want that, one life and all and I don't want to be 65 and regretting so much in my life.